Stress Can Kill You~ Revisited

03 May 2012

STRESS CAN KILL YOU~ Revisited

[A pre-note to this elongated entry: I've been advised by my medical and mental health professionals that I can expect "healing" and regaining "normal" to take time-- a very generalized time (according to books, as well) is 6 months to a year before I'm "back to my normal" in functionality because of the seriousness of my thyroid shutting down and continuing chronic stress factors. This fact I find extremely difficult to accept.]

I was given a "homework" assignment that was a bit annoying-- to re-read my own blog entry by the title "Stress Can Kill You" (posted 15 Dec 2011, I think), as well as looking up the effects of chronic stress on mind and body.

I'm going to divert for a moment, and write a bit about bones. Bones are amazing (actually, I find the whole human body amazing); life is literally in our bones, in the marrow. Inside the marrow is where our blood cells are made. Bones form the skeletal structure upon which our skin holds in all our innards. With repeated blows, bones can get thicker in order to protect themselves. Martial artists train hard, including resistance to broken bones later in life, I was informed by my Hubby. He said Thai martial artists train so hard that they actually not only have incredibly hard bones that are extremely hard to break, but that they also end up killing the nerves so that they don't feel much pain, either. As a youth, my Hubby kicked trees with his shins, as part of his own training. Something must have worked well, because during a P.E. soccer game, Hubby's shin came into contact with another boy's leg while Hubby was trying to kick the ball-- he ended up breaking not just one of the leg bones of the other boy, but BOTH! Hubby barely had a bruise, apparently. Not to mention that Hubby was thrown from his car after driving off a cliff, had the car roll over him on its way down the hill, and only had some scratches after the ordeal-- the car was completely totaled, like completely smashed; he would likely have died if he hadn't been thrown from the car.

Personally, I've never had a broken bone, except maybe my toes (kind of a long story that I won't write about here). When one considers how incredibly uncoordinated (aka, klutzy) I am, it's rather amazing. I've fallen out of trees, off bicycles, while skating (roller skates and in-line skating and ice skating), I trip over grease spots, and all sorts of other forms of klutziness, as well as a couple of minor car accidents. I played basketball in high school, as well as ran the sprints and did throwing for track and field my final year of high school. In the military I trained hard and a lot, both forced and voluntary. While part of the auxiliary security force, I was trained by Marines who believe in equality-- I didn't get any special treatment for being a woman! I qualified on 9MM handgun, the shot gun, and "hardest" of all, the PR-24 police baton. The latter training left my arms completely covered in welts and bruises, which my co-workers at my "regular" job (intel) asked about, because, well, there was no way I was getting them sitting in front of computer screens! During unarmed combat training by the Marines, I sprained a wrist (which interfered with my regular job of sitting in front of computers and having to type very fast), lots more bruises, and even took a blow to my nose by someone else's knee! Still no broken bones! Sprains and strains like nobody's business (particularly with my 'double-jointedness'), but no broken bones.

Ever since Hubby told me about the Thai boxers and how the training thickens the bones, I got to thinking about all my tumbles and training and weight lifting (I did weight training from high school and all through until. . . oh, until I got pregnant with Girl), and wondered if my bones may have gotten a bit thicker because of it. Great, I thought, that should help stave off osteoporosis! But then I got to thinking about how many times I've hit my head. . . .

And now to link back to the original subject. There's the old sayings of "thick skinned" for someone who is able to tolerate a lot of pain, whether it's physical or otherwise. There's also the old saying of "thick skulled" for someone who isn't too bright, or is slow. Hmmm... "thick skull" = dense, which equals taking longer for things to "sink in" or be processed. Okay, I can see that.

Did I mention I've had a few blows to the head? Nothing major, as I've never even had a concussion... um, er, that I know of. I'm going to use that as my excuse, though, for me being "slow." It takes me time to process information, which drives me nuts! I hate being slower than others (as does my Boy, who also takes a while to "get it."). This isn't limited to the simpleness of not being very witty (unless I'm around certain people, in which case I can be so witty as to leave them speechless-- Love it when that happens). I mean it takes me a long time to process sometimes even simple information.

The whole "stress can kill you" is also, apparently (and from a professional and objective opinion), not sinking into my skull very well. Thus the reason for my homework assignment. Sure, my thyroid is-- according to blood work I just had done this week-- "normal," but I'm still not back to my "normal." Yes, I know that begs the question of what that might be, and I haven't got an answer.

From the bit of research I've done, and from what I've been told by doctors recently, chronic stress wreaks havoc on mind and body. At some point, though, the body can't recover from the onslaught. I'm trying very hard to fully understand this next bit, as it's not sinking in-- I'm not grasping the severity and its applicability to me. When one has endured chronic stress, particularly extreme and/or traumatic stress, the body starts shutting down. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), chronic stress leads to serious health conditions which include (but not limited to) anxiety, insomnia, muscle pain, high blood pressure, and weakened immune system. According to other sources (online, books, and doctors), chronic stress leads the body through a cascade of chemical... events, which rapidly increases aging (scientific study showed women under chronic stress could have their bodies age by 10 years than their chronological age), and affects every bodily system (circulatory, central, autonomous, etc). First disturbances are caused in the systems, then shut downs.

On a very personal note, I am realizing that the chronic stress has pushed my body beyond the "disturbance" and into the "shut down" portion. Of primary (obvious) medical concern is my thyroid shutting down. That is word from the internal medicine doctor-- that my immune system attacked my thyroid and it stopped working. I've had immune system problems for years, but this is hard medical evidence; there's no denying it, avoiding it, or getting around it. Having my thyroid shut down means I have to take the thyroid hormone for the rest of my life (you know, if I want to keep from dying and all), and of great concern by the medical professionals, is the potential for heart problems related to my thyroid condition. Basically, if I don't take some great care of myself, I could literally "drop dead" still. My heart could "give out" (cardiac arrest); I have low blood pressure... it could plummet. This isn't even taking into account adrenal function!

On a more humorous note, as I do try to find the humor even in the horrible or dark side of life, I have to wonder. . . . See, when I was having the blood work run a few months ago when I was really ill, my cholesterol was high, and my triglycerides were the high end of "normal." Now, I don't eat red meat very often (can't digest it very well), and as anyone close to me knows... I LOVE GARLIC! I eat, comparatively speaking, massive amounts of garlic daily-- 2-3 cloves minimum. And as anyone who regularly eats my cooking knows, my primary ingredients in just about anything I make are 1) Garlic, and 2) onions. It doesn't matter whether I'm making Indian, Asian, Mediterranean, Mexican or American inspired cuisine, garlic and onions are usually in whatever I make (except desserts, which I don't often make). Given my dietary intake, which is far healthier than your average American, I have to wonder what my blood work would reveal if I ate like an average American? With as much garlic and onions as I eat regularly, and I still have high cholesterol and triglycerides???? That's a bit scary! So, part of "taking care of myself" means I don't care if you can smell the garlic on me a mile away, I'm keeping it as part of my healthy diet!

The other parts of "taking care of myself" aren't going to be so easy, as they're new to me. Things like "taking time for myself" (recommended by many medical and mental health professionals) are novel. I just learned how to take "weekends" (the trips for hotel stays that my Beloved Hubby lets me go on, after spending years of convincing me I needed to do it in the first place) a couple times a year. I just recently started taking an evening a week to myself, where I go out wherever I want and do whatever I want-- which typically means finding a quiet place and food. That's been hard enough, even with Hubby's full support (and let me just say it, he basically kicks me out!). Now I'm being told I have to find time for myself daily.  Daily? I'm lucking if I can use the bathroom without some sort of disturbance! Just when I was starting to get used to the weekly "me time," I've gotta try to find daily "me time." And we're not talking a few minutes to do deep breathing, prayer, or whatever, I'm supposed to do at least an HOUR, minimum. Ha!

And while I consider this difficulty, I'm forced to face some facts. One fact is I've struggled with digestive issues for years. That's one of the main systems that gets affected by chronic stress, by the way. My system has gotten worse in that area. The other fact is the increased anxiety (as listed being related to chronic stress by the APA), so much so that I have to take a controlled medicine just to manage (I HATE this fact--- HATE HATE HATE it). And then of course there's the insomnia, which I've had for decades. After addressing "sleep hygiene" issues, and doing all of them for years, still no restful sleep for me at night. No, I've been having to take a medication for that too, because otherwise, I don't get to sleep. I was put on it after going several months on an average of 3 hours of sleep per night-- and those hours weren't consecutive! Both the medications listed above are central nervous system depressants.

Ready for the kicker? Because of the chronic and recent dramatic increase of stress, I haven't been getting to sleep. Aside from being unable to "shut off" my brain, the more recent muscle tension has been about equivalent to a fibromyalgia flare... plus migraines. These muscle tensions and migraines are further hard medical evidence of my body shutting down, combined with the previously named issues of various systems. After my latest appointment with my medical doctor, I was prescribed a muscle relaxer so that I can attempt to get restorative sleep at night. For two nights in a row now I've been able to sleep. To emphasize how "big deal" this is, consider that it's only through a combination of THREE central nervous system depressants that I'm able to achieve what should come naturally. Some people can take an allergy med or some alcohol and they get sleep. I'm so far beyond that. . . it'd be a dream if sleep for me were that simple!

I'm sharing this very personal entry because I know a lot of people who are undergoing a lot of serious stresses-- from "losing everything" to cancer to surgeries to deaths and retirements. What all those people have in common, aside from very serious acute stresses, is. . . me. I know each of them-- they're my family and friend, and I don't use that term lightly. I share this very personal entry in hopes of helping people know that it's important to deal quickly and effectively with acute stress, because if you don't, it'll bite you in the ass! Acute stresses can accumulate and become chronic, and then you get old before your time.

That's where I'm at-- old before my time. I have the grey hair to prove it! And a great Hubby who has been and is trying hard to make me take care of myself so that he doesn't become an early widower. Selfish of him, isn't it? *wink wink*

Stress Can Kill. . . ME! The facts are slowly sinking into my thick skull, after a trip through my gut, shutting off my thyroid, and stealing my sleep, my memory, and my cognitive skills. After being who-knows-how-close to going into a coma, after feeling like my heart couldn't beat one more time, that one more breath was too difficult. . . after not even being able to do the simplest of a "daily chore" without a few hours of laying down rest. . . the seriousness of being my being ill is slowly making it's way into my understanding.

Don't let happen to you what I've let happen to me. Take care of yourself. Take time to breathe in deep. Take time to enjoy the sunshine (harder to do if you live here in the PNW). Take time to smell flowers and the rain showers and the earth beneath your feet (avoid breathing in your feet, however, as that would likely prove unpleasant!). Carve out for yourself time to "be" and to "let go."

It is my hope that I can learn that advice, to let it sink it, and soon. Because if I don't. . . . well, there's always the title of this entry, but exchange the "you" for "me." I write this entry not just for my readers (few though they are), but also for me-- so that I can see in writing, in my own words, the seriousness of what I am facing (present tense).

Maybe instead of being nicknamed "Trouble" (I got called that by a lot of people who didn't know each other!), I should just go by "Chronic," as I have so many damned chronic medical and mental conditions. I'm losing track of them all!


Always Learning,
~Cedeham~
aka, "Chronic"