Time Continues to Flow

I hadn't realized it's been 3 weeks or so since my last post. I get "lost" quite a bit-- lost in thoughts or lost in time. I haven't been the only one "lost" lately, and trying to help someone who is also "lost" makes life. . . interesting.

Thinking of how I might describe my life to a somewhat new acquaintance, I'd use the term "colorful." I thought about that today, as I went to the hair salon to just sit and browse the magazines. The gals that work there are so fun and easy-going that it's become a comfortable place for me to go "hang out." Today, two of the three were working, and when they found out I was there just to "hang" they were tickled and pleased that I felt so comfortable there (I'd gotten my hair chopped last week-- lovin' it!). To my pleasant surprise, my hairdresser gave me a hug as we parted ways (after closing)-- no, I'm not the only one that gets hugged! To my observation, a lot of their customers are "huggy" people (I chuckle as I write this).

Okay, away from the hair salon! Well, writing-wise.

In my previous post, I wrote quite a bit about military life and PTSD. I can say it hasn't gotten any better, and sadly, Hubby's decline has continued. It is a rough battle, but as I held his hand and told him the other day: "You're in the Dark. A therapist is just someone with a flashlight. I don't have a flashlight, but I'll walk with you in the Darkness."  I won't even pretend to know his particular Darkness.

In some ways, that was very difficult to verbalize. It's true, but partly because I've been walking in Darkness for a very, very long time. I've gotten a bit too comfortable with it, I suppose-- a step sideways, perhaps, from apathy. I care, but I realize that I am where I am, and I am who I am, and that change doesn't happen over night (especially positive changes).

Even though we've been married for a decade and a half, and likely have reached a deeper intimate level those most people are even aware exists, we have spent much of that actual time apart. We have, in fact, been geographically separated longer than together! This has created different lives and memories for each of us, and we are acutely aware of the difference of "time." We've had to deal "time" in ways most people do not, counting hours of being together, instead of weeks; celebrating holidays well away from their calendar dates, and all sorts of other funky, time-warping issues. This, in turn, plays a part (I think) in how we are dealing with "time" now.

See, Hubby has been home for about 13 months now. . . and I can still remember when he was deployed for 13 consecutive months (during which time I got to see him a grand total of 2 1/2 weeks, during which time I was in and out of ER & urgent care and almost died of pneumonia). These past 13 months have been. . . quite a learning experience with all sorts of complexities!

So what am I really trying to say with all this rambling? Well, mostly, we've been busy with complications! We're finally starting to get our rent money from renting out our other house; we had to buy a new riding lawn mower (and keeping our fingers crossed that we can use the 30-some-year-old mower as a 'back up') and our uh "lawn" is no longer 3 feet tall (but, it's still got enough hay in it that we probably could have bundled it up and sold it!); my folks have been here visiting for the past two weeks (?) and "putzing" around and enjoying the peacefulness that we so enjoy here on our property. My daughter is turning 12-years-old this weekend (oi!); I've made my first batch of homemade perfume (yay!); The Hangout project of our barn still is not completed (don't even get me going on this); and, oh, golly, the weather has been HOT! Well, you know, "hot" for the PNW and muggier than usual (kinda reminds me of other places I've lived). The berry harvests are delicious, though we will probably lose about half of our blueberry bushes (4 is half) to the "mummyberry" (but have gotten some great berries off the non-affected ones); the apple trees are growing apples; the kiwi trees really do smell awful. . .

Kiwi trees! I know, odd for a PNW tree. They're very pretty, but I'll have to do some serious pruning this autumn because my Girl has lost her window to it as the previous owners planted far too much flora too close to the house. I understand why, though-- privacy!

Oh, and I've recently discovered there's a whole lot more to being the water manager (for four properties here) than what I was told upon receiving the position with the purchase of this house-- I will have to build from scratch a management and financial structure for a piping system that's probably 25-years-old! This has me very stressed; I think I'm pretty good at logistics, but that's when it's just managing our life-- now I find out I alone bear the responsibility of providing clean water to four properties, not just reading the meters! Yeah, life just got a bit more complicated for me.

Are you "lost" yet? If so, welcome to our worlds! If not, then you might want to see a psychologist because there is probably something wrong with you. . . or you know too well the circles I run.

In all, time continues to flow. We're all still very busy with life and scraping out a "simple" living. . . or trying to.

Enjoy the beauty, for even in Darkness there is beauty. How else would we see the moon and stars?

~Cedeham~