Deal With It

I'm still trying to process the loss from the very unexpected fire. My mind goes over the list of things that were in the storage unit. I hadn't been giving much consideration to the monetary value of any of it, until yesterday.

I went out yesterday to a near-by town. I stopped at a little "Natural Clothes" shop, where I tried on a few things "just for fun," as the nice shop owner encouraged. The shop owner originally hails from Poland, and had been living in the Seattle area for a while and just moved out this way a few years ago. The store just opened since the last time I was on that street (I had seen the "opening soon" signs), and it was a comfortable little shop with great clothes in it. I think I touched about every item to feel the delightful textures of silk, bamboo, cotton, wool, and other materials used from natural and/or recycled materials. During the course of discussion, my crocheting came into topic, and it so happened I carry around a few of my projects. The latest of which is a two colored hat made from 100% "superwash" wool yarn, which I just made for a friend's upcoming birthday. In order to get the look I wanted on the hat, I had to use a strand of the black and a strand of the orange held as one (gives a tweed look), but I wanted to emphasize the orange because that's a color the recipient wears a lot. In the process of this new design, I came upon a happy accident-- a reversible hat! Worn the way I designed, the orange is more prominent than the black; flipped inside-out, it's a total tweed look. The b-day person works outdoors a lot, and I really wanted to provide a gift that would be practical, cool looking, and of course, tailored to the recipient's taste. The shop owner really liked the hat, as well as a few other items I brought in for her to view, especially my wool shawl/wrap. We discussed the possibilities of me doing a consignment there, and we'll both have to do some thinking on the matter. She's very interested in supporting local... people. I'm not exactly a business person, nor an artist. Anyway, all around this area people like to support the local community and economy, and she's no exception. That provided some excitement for me, as it would allow me to use my skills and natural fibers, but the disadvantage is how to make it affordable and profitable. That remains to be pondered and seen.

After the clothing shop, I went into the local Art Gallery. This is the same Gallery which considered my crochet earlier this summer. I wanted to see if they did actually include the "soft arts," as I had seen some of the crocheted hats by a gal who already had artwork there (I wasn't impressed with her crochet, but then, I'm picky). As it turns out, the admission committee also didn't care for the other person's crochet! Is it prideful to say I'm glad hers wasn't included? The folks did remember my crochet, and had high compliments on it-- the only thing was in making it more "arty" instead of crafty. They LOVED the shawl and remembered it well and said my crochet was beautiful and great quality. I was informed they are looking for some different. . . venues to feature more variety of local arts/artists, and I was given a flyer for an upcoming event and asked if I might have enough inventory if they are able to do one of the venues they want to try.

That's when I almost cried (again). Since the Gallery was closed for the evening and the folks headed out, I gave the simple answer that I'd have to check, which was a white lie. I do have some inventory-- only what they previously saw. What I don't have is my supply inventory. . . it was lost to the fire. Hundreds of dollars worth of yarn, not to mention my box of stitch pattern books (mostly for knitting) and magazine patterns. With my material inventory G O N E, how am I supposed to build up my project inventory? I don't have enough funds to even begin, and this is the time of season (and until spring) when I do the most crocheting, so I usually get a lot of projects completed. I think the Gallery folk were looking to do venues before Christmas. . . . If I hadn't lost my supply stash, I could have started last night on building my project inventory!

Then there's the matter of Christmas coming up, and what do I usually do as gifts? Crocheted stuff. Sorry, I probably won't have anything to give this year. :-(

I know I'm not the only one who lost heirlooms (from my great-grandparents) to the fire, nor am I the only one to lose inventory from it. But of the 56 destroyed storage units, I may be the only one who has lost both. Some folks lost heirlooms, some their business inventory, some paperwork, some lost things stored there while moving. I'm all of them combined! We weren't done moving, the heirlooms were there, my hobby inventory was there, and a ton of paperwork, and correspondences (remember pens and paper?) of mine going back until I was 5-years-old (including a card from my great-grandma for my 5th b-day).

*sighs heavily*

Hubby is dealing with the loss better than I am, but he didn't have as much there. The shot glass collection from around the world from our travels and his deployments, the artworks from the kids to him, an antique chair he was going to put in The Hangout. . . the rest wasn't that important to him.

But then this evening, if memory serves me correctly, then I've realized that we've lost the footage of the kids being born. I'd had the 8mm tapes, one with the 8mm camera (that at the time cost a fortune), another in a box of "to sort" stuff; and quite possibly the VHS tapes that I'd copied from the 8mm so that we could watch them on the VCR.

Waves of emotions wash over me as I try to "deal with it." I still don't know how long it's going to take me. Only this morning I found out we won't be able to get to our unit until Monday, and even then we get only a half hour appointment, AND, we don't get to sift through it-- someone else picks out what we point at to see if it's salvageable. It's been raining very, very heavily (causing very mild flooding in some places), so I'm sure whatever might have made it through the fire got water damage from not only the 3-alarm fire being put out, but the weather as well.

My kids have been good about it all, and been kind in giving me "space" to sort this chaos in my head. They aren't walking on egg shells, but they're not bickering as much, which is very helpful.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and though I've lost more than I can recount, I'll be easily able to remember my blessings. After all, the holiday was made for "Giving Thanks," and how much more powerfully can that be done when one has experienced great loss? Doesn't make the pain any less, not in the short run anyway, but it does put the loss in perspective.

I have a Hubby who loves me, and who I love. We have children who we love, who feel our love, and who love us. That's the most important. Everything else is trivial, really.

We are a family. We are a strong and intact family, and each of us loves one another.

~Cedeham~