We all have to "come to terms" with our past. It's part of the process of life, and in the end, being able to pass away from this world with "no regrets."
The journey is difficult, arduous. "Coming to terms" takes a variety of forms, depending on the individual. Some people start or join "Causes/Charities." Some people change their names and move to a new place. Some just revisit old "haunts." Some of us have to take a long time, and use a variety of skills and opportunities to make changes.
I'm not one to join a cause, generally, even with my variety of health issues. Were I, however, to join any cause, I think it would be one which involves defending children (first), women (second), and the poor/poverty-stricken.
I have always been adamant about proper treatment of children. People have learned to keep their mouths shut and hands to themselves if I'm around. I have absolutely no problem putting my foot up someone's anus if they insult or assault a child in any form. Do not harm a child. Pretty simple. Since my children were very little, I have been teaching them verbal and physical skills to defend themselves against attackers, whether stranger, "friend," or family. Those skills came in handy when my daughter was 8-years-old and was verbally attacked by older boys. She picked up a log and chased them off, yelling at them! You go, my Girl! Her brother, who was watching, didn't even have to defend her because she did such a good job of it herself. Although, I did remind him that I've taught him better than to just "watch," to which he replied, "I handed her a longer stick that was easier to carry."
Women being given skills to defend themselves is severely lacking in our society, in our first-world, world- dominant country! Isn't that sad? What does that say about us as a nation? Women should be offered FREE training by professionals in verbal and physical defense. Countless women could help themselves if they but knew how! Of course, this would work a lot better if children were protected and taught compassion and strength, so that as they become adults they're less likely to 1) abuse or 2) be abused.
I've come across so many women who know absolutely nothing about self-defense. I teach them that something as simple as holding a car/house key a certain way and where to put it if they get attacked, at a minimum. I have been thanked for that each time. I have also been asked by a very admirable woman to teach "verbal judo" to a group of women. This training hasn't come about, yet, as the admirable woman is back out on her sailing vessel for a few more years.
It's possible I may have blogged about the incident before, but I don't think I have. I cite it merely as an example that even just the way one carries oneself can be defensive enough. In 2009 I was nearly car jacked at a gas station up in Burlington. At the time, I didn't know then that what I did most likely is what saved me. I gave the suspicious looking man my 20-cent change that I'd just received and said loudly, "That's all I have. Sorry." There were other people there, which was another protective factor. I wasn't armed w/ my gun that day. All I had was the 20-cents, the receipt, and my car keys; my car keys were strategically held in one hand in my hoodie's pocket while I dropped the change into his hand with my other hand. At a free defense seminar that I took the kids to within a month of that incident, that's when the couple who led the training informed me of how I saved myself that day. The woman of this couple had been the victim of 2 car-jackings, one of them involving a gun to her head.
More and more people today are realizing the fleetness of money. Our consumeristic society is having to re-learn some of the "lost" ways of surviving low economy. Even we're struggling, though I'm extremely skilled with managing money. Some people become poor or poverty stricken by choice/s, some just have really bad luck! The smallest thing can mean the world to someone who is in need (and this applies not only financially).
I can't change the world. I'm only one person. But I am one person. And as one person, I can influence and start a "ripple effect" of goodness, graciousness, compassion, and sharing. So that's what I do. I change me, first. I teach my children. The ripple-effect already started, many, many years ago. Charity, real charity, doesn't come from the boisterous. I try to keep my charity quiet, except when it comes to "leading by example." I want my kids to see me giving, without any strings attached; giving to people who have absolutely nothing to give to me. Giving, without there being a "reward." There have been so many opportunities I've utilized in "charity" that my kids have thought it "normal" to do such things. They have only recently started realizing not everyone is like that, and that giving charity brings its own reward-- one that can only be felt.
Recently, charity was again shown to us-- more specifically, to Boy. We've had a rough time of it lately, and I've been telling Boy to pack lunches for school because I can't afford to pay for the lunches right now. Girl regularly packs her lunch because she doesn't like the school's food. But Boy has had a difficult time with that, particularly in the remembering to pack! So, a friend, knowing our hardship, tucked a $20 bill into my hand and told me to give it to Boy. I tried to refuse it, knowing this friend was in more dire straights than us, and he's got three kids to feed. But as real friends do, he wouldn't take it back and wouldn't hear any more about it, simply saying, "You've helped me out." When I came back into the house, I gave Boy the money and let him know it was for lunch and who gave the money to him. Boy was flabbergasted. "But why did he give me this money? He's got 5 mouths to feed!"
I replied, "Because, Boy, he cares about you. You are special. He cares. He cares for you." Boy remained flabbergasted, and very grateful to be shown this compassion. I was grateful, too, of course. If I'd had the change to give this friend, I would have; I know ATMs dispense only $20 bills. But, well, I'll get this friend back sometime-- I'll not allow him to "out do" me in giving!
As youngsters, my kids were so charitable! There was one Halloween-- a holiday I do not celebrate-- that a couple of my kids' friends came knocking on the apartment door. Kids being kids, before I could say "no," they'd answered the door and I heard the dreaded "Trick o' Treat." I sadly stood before them and said, "I'm sorry, we don't have any candy." (Which was the truth; couldn't afford it, not just that I don't celebrate Halloween). My kiddos shouted in unison, "Yes we do!" and ran to their rooms to get some of their own candies received from school and the fire department to share with their friends. I still smile at this memory.
I have the awesomest kids ever. Yes, they get on my nerves. Yes, I get tired of the constant noise and talking, and having to replenish the pantry and fridge every couple of days. But I wouldn't trade either of my children for the most perfect diamond in the world, nor to be made ruler of the world. My teens are delightful. To see them develop from dependent infants to independent human beings has been. . . indescribable! I love them dearly. So very dearly.
I'm "Coming to Terms" with my past, so that I can start living-- not just surviving, but truly living and being in the "present." The road has been arduous, exacting a toll that nearly takes my life. Yet, here I remain.
There's no Causes I care to join, or movements, or charities. I firmly believe in using my ability to contribute to the larger whole as an individual. For me, it means taking advantage of the opportunities to be charitable, especially when there's no "reward." It means teaching my children kindness, compassion, and charitable expression-- teaching them not only in words, but by living it.
So this has been an amazingly long post. Though I don't do the "charity" thing, I can pass along information, at least. Below are some links, related to at least one of the "Causes" I named at the beginning. What you do with the information is your business, I am merely a messenger this time.
~Cedeham~
p.s.
This link --here--No Comfort Zone goes to Amazon.com, to a book I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend. It is a very short read, and worth more than its weight in gold!
http://www.cdc.gov/features/PreventingSuicide/index.html
Less Obvious Child Abuse
https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/whatiscan.cfm
https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/preventingcan.cfm
https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/long_term_consequences.cfm
http://www.childhelp.org/pages/resources-adult-survivor
http://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/Facts_for_Families_Pages/Child_Abuse_The_Hidden_Bruises_05.aspx
National Institute of Health page with multiple links
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