I'm seriously going to have to get my calendar out and start writing stuff down! Especially now.
Okay, so I left off with liking my doctor (Dr. L-) and having to up my thyroid dose. I did up my thyroid dose the very next morning, but still hadn't been getting any better. If anything, I still felt like I was getting worse.
I called and talked with Dr. L-'s nurse, who misunderstood what I was trying to communicate (and she thought the hydrocortisone was for the facial skin infection), and thus after conferring with Dr. L- (with the miscommunication), I was recommended to taper off the steroid. I can't remember whether it was that same day or the next that I called back and said, "I need to see Dr. L- about this." I couldn't shake the feeling that tapering off the steroid would make things even worse for me, and I followed my gut.
Glad I did.
The gut talks in one way or another. Mine has been a little too silent and not working, which lets me know that something is quite wrong. I've mentioned this before, but it bears mentioning again-- about 80% of your immune system is in your gut! Your gut is made from the same DNA material as your brain, and thus, for all intents and purposes, has been called "second brain." Your gut, apparently, produces more serotonin than the brain, I've read. That's what got me to start paying attention to my gut and taking care of it.
This gets back to that bit about the HYPOthyroid. Remember, the thyroid controls metabolism, which includes elimination of waste material from your body. Not being able to eliminate is one of the many symptoms of HYPOthyroidism; it's what let me know my thyroid still isn't working. I believed that it wasn't able to, even w/ the thyroid hormone dose increase, because of the "adrenal insufficiency" (aka, the adrenals not working in some hormonal way or another).
Well, I'm still crashing, so I can't do the lovely and funny detailed story that I'd wanted to do.
I'll summarize using his quotes that meant the most to me:
"Of course. You are crashing!"
"I never doubted you."
"This is life-threatening. You are not hypochondriac, this is real."
My body temperature was low (unusual when I'm at a medical place), my blood pressure was low, and my heart rate was quite high.
Wind back to the part of the adrenals that control blood pressure. . . I'll have to start taking a hormone replacement to get my blood pressure stabilized. If it keeps dropping, I drop-- plain and simple. Hopefully, taking that hormone will only be temporary. Unfortunately, I'm still waiting on the mail for it-- I couldn't drive to the Seattle VA to pick it up (cause then I'd just have to be admitted to the hospital).
And to top this loveliness off, I still have a sinus infection from back in February. Guess what? Those adrenals? They help you fight off infections, unless they're not working. And mine aren't working. Yay, another antibiotic course (I HATE taking antibiotics, and will only do so if absolutely necessary), since Feb's course didn't get rid of the infection.
Here I sit, in my recliner, because any thing I do requires me to ask, "Is this worth my life?"
It's not just about the "fight or flight" inability, this is down to the daily functioning-- and that is gone. I did a load of laundry today. Putting the clothes in the dryer and hanging out a couple of shirts & my wool socks to dry was too much exertion, and I felt like passing out. I had to sit down, drink a lot of water, and then lay back and fell to sleep for a little bit.
At this point, getting out of bed without falling over, making it down the stairs to sit in my recliner-- that's an accomplishment! Each time I get up and don't fall over is a feat. Any little task, something as simple as getting a cup and making myself some tea, is a big deal (and life saving, because I have to stay hydrated).
Tomorrow will be a bit of a concern for me-- Hubby's weekend is over so he and the kids will be gone until the afternoon. My help has been coming from my little family, for the little things like refilling my water jar, making something quick for me to eat (the hypoglycemia is having a hay-day), those are big deals now.
I share all this because it's changing our lives. Just when we start to sort of "settle in," we're slapped with another big stressor. I also share because it helps me deal with it. To have my mortality shoved in my face is scary, and admittedly ironic (severely ironic, actually). And yet, through this--as of this afternoon-- I have come to realize that people really do care about me. It'd take a mini-series to explain why I have believed no one really cares for me (aside from the voices in my head, and yes, they are "real" and it's not some lame joke for me), but that's the belief I've had for as long as I can remember (which is a long ways).
To have this outpouring of concern and care sent to me through talks, emails, and texts has been so dear to me. I cannot fully explain here why it means so much-- it's too dark and too much detail (seriously, a mini-series)-- but it has. Some has come by way of responses to these entries, and so I thank each of you that have given me hope and showed care about my being (not just well-being!). I can't do a lot to show my appreciation, but know that I treasure it.
About nap time again, since I don't get to "go to bed" (which isn't exactly literal any more, as I have taken to sleeping in my recliner so much) until after 11pm.
Thank you for taking the time to let me know you care. Remember, please, to do that for each person you do care about-- don't assume they know!
Waiting for Recovery,
~Cedeham~
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